Imprint of the Forest

Bright blue flowers like the blue I see with my inner eye were greeting me when I entered the forest this morning.

I stopped thinking and started sensing.

So good to be back in Newlands.

I had a busy week full of trouble. It was a week full of encounters with bad or evil energy. I saw and experienced some hollow humans, emptied by tick, alcohol or other stuff. I met dangerous predators and people not to trust and their victims.

The forest makes me quiet and stops the thoughts circling in my head. The forest makes me trust my intuition.

It has an imprint of the river of life. 

Even in a dead tree I can see this flow and there is new life growing everywhere. 

This life energy is constantly busy creating. Creating and knitting a new plant from water air and light.

Only human beings leave their rubbish behind. An old saw mill used to exploit the forest is just left to rot and ready to be taken back by the forest slowly.

Slow Forest Magic

I have been longing for the embrace of the forest. I have not been on a walk for a month.

Today was a magic foggy morning and my magic Newlands forest did not disappoint.

The air was moist and full of fragrance. No wind and I can feel the spirits are all around. 

A  giant fern from an ancient world stands as guardian of the dark underworld.

Trees dance a slow dance. They take years to embrace a hard stone. 

The forest has its own time. There is no hurry. It was still. Every few minutes a leave falls to the earth and I can hear it fall. No haste, lots of time to love. 

On my way down I see a pair of frogs making slow love in a pool of mountain water. 

I am home. God and goddess in me.

Holding back

My back is hurting. It is holding me back and slowing me down. I am not freely flowing.

Today the walk was short because of the pain.

I noticed and took a photo of the old weir, which I must have walked past many times. Only this morning I saw the iron grid in the pipe. It is keeping rocks out in heavy floods. It prevents blockages beyond repair.

The grid is keeping the big pieces back so that nothing gets stuck. 
Is that what my back is doing to me?

Man(imal) in the Forest

Only Cape Town can go from winter straight into summer. This morning at 7h00 it was already 20 degrees warm. The trees are exploding with green.

Yesterday I was involved with the “Kindergartenfest” in the school which I work for part time. Pleasing and helping, totally the nice guy. I was exhausted. This morning I felt the (m)animal coming out. I had to move my body and rushed up the mountain. At the pool I took a bath.

Naked I sat on a rock splashing myself with water and feeling it running over my skin. I let the sun dry me, feeling the coolness and every drop. Drinking from the stream like an animal. Alive and wild - a man(imal).

After 30 minutes being a man(nimal) I just managed to quickly put my shorts on as some other hikers came up the stream. The air was so warm I continued my walk just in shorts still feeling alive.

The forest was very much alive as well. Birds and bumble bees making a noise and even the old dassie was enjoying the sun.

Old Pain and real Pain

Today is a beautiful spring morning. I got to the forest early, walking up just before sunrise.

The sun rises, lights up the mountain as the moon sets. 

The night goes and a new day comes.

The new sunlight illuminates the forest in golden light.

The forest talks to me in its own way. As I walked up I am full of old memories and old pain.

I stop at the hollow tree where the wild bees live. I always wanted to take a photo of the busy bees flying in and out. They were full of activity in the golden morning sun. Trying to take a close up photo I got stung twice. Burning pain flooded my brain and body. Not in thought but very real. I was stung to reality.

On the contour path I saw this small tree between the rocks in the middle of the path.

It is closed in by rocks, trampled on, bent and twisted in pain. However I know from my own experience: Rocks can be rolled away and well trodden paths can be redirected.

Un-Frozen

After a really cold spell for the last couple of days and a clear night, everything seemed frozen. The city below covers itself with a blanket of smoke.

Like I was covered and camouflaged for a big portion of my life. In the last Body-De-Armouring session with Natasha I discovered myself being frozen from a childhood abuse and learned to move and become unfrozen in an amazing experience. Today I see the forest is unfreezing on this spring morning. The tree, I took a picture of in midwinter, is now surrounded by flowering bushes. 

The fern is uncurling to welcome the new life. 

At my favorite spot at the Newlands stream I could not resist and took a bath in the ice cold water.

I was feeling the freezing of the water rushing past for a minute or so. When I got up into the warm air my blood was rushing to the skin. I felt unfrozen again. New life was returning into my body and into my being.

Camouflage

Spot the bird. 

One cannot see the bird in this picture. He is so well camouflaged. That is nature’s way of protection. Only when the bird moves and only when one looks in his direction in that moment he becomes visible. Throughout this week my topics have been: Dressing up, performing as on stage and otherwise and the liberation of being bound and not allowed to perform.

This morning it dawns on me that a lot of this behavior and desires is my camouflage. Some of it put on a long time ago, like old dry twigs covering a secret rock.

As a human being I don’t have a natural camouflage like the bird. However when I needed protection, camouflage has grown on me like leaves on a stone pretending to be a bush. It is hiding my true self to not get hurt.

Humans are not birds and I ask myself: Is the camouflage still needed?

A little further on the path I see this old broken hollow trunk. Out of it new life is growing up towards the light unrestricted by the old but growing on it. Giving a glimpse of the future.

Roaring against the Wind

Today the forest had an eerie feeling to it. The sun was still shining from the Boland  mountains but dark clouds were brewing over the Table mountain. Going up, the light changed from bright to a murky darkness. 

The path is blocked, a strong cold wind starts blowing up the mountain.

Next to the path there is chaos all around.  Some sense of fear is creeping into me.

Yesterday I had a Body De-Armoring session with my teacher and facilitator Natasha. It was about fear, old blockages and how to be present now.  In the session we practiced roaring.

This morning I was roaring against the wind.  I started roaring out of the depth of my being. I was feeling it vibrating in my belly and flooding me with warmth and strength.

NoTears, just Bubbles

The forest has no tears this morning. On other days the leaves and grasses were full of dew from the night. Today all tears about forbidden and impossible dreams had been blown away by a crisp clear breeze.  The air was cold and fresh. The sun is rising up in a clear sky over the Boland Mountains.

Winter changes the appearance of the forest and it looks so different. I crossed the stream on a different spot than usual. A rock pool has been formed, big enough to take a bath. But I did not bring a towel.

I rested for a while, watching the water flow. Little bubbles are formed between the rocks and floating like little spaceships on the surface. After a little time they burst into hundreds of little drops; each has it’s own time. Some are only there for seconds; some make it to the next rock. Each little dome reflecting the beauty and the sun until the droplets join the stream again.

As I reach the contour path I look down on the city. I can see the M5 busy with morning traffic. The morning sun is bright and each car reflects the light like a little silvery bubble floating on a stream of water. Each bubble containing a soul floating past for the tiny fraction of a nano-second of the endless time the mountain and the forest is watching this stream. We are only here for such a tiny short time and we think it is so important. I thank the forest for reminding me.

At Home

I spent the last 3 weeks at my birth place in Germany. Old memories awaken when I feel the soft grass, which was so familiar to me as a child, with my feet.

The house I used to call home has a beautiful garden and I enjoyed the German summer working and relaxing.

Today when I walked up to my friend the ancient tree in Newlands forest, I knew this is home now.

In  total contrast  to the lush summer green of Germany my forest was swept and washed from the winter storms of the cape. 

It is nearly looking naked because any loose leaves or dry twigs had been blown to the ground and swept away. 

New things to see, allowing a different view in anticipation of a new growing cycle.

Young fern is already feeling the winter air out.

Today it is icy cold, but as the sun throws a winter shadow of me, I can feel some warmth on my back, giving me a fore taste of spring with the days getting longer every day.

I am home again, anticipating and knowing that new growth wants to break into the open.

Male Walk

During my meditations of this week I discovered that I did some of my walks very much from my female perspective. Today I decided to try to do a male walk. It was already late and I went straight up to the contour path. Taking the shortest possible way I was walking fast and hard. Trying not to get distracted by the forest. Focused on getting to the top. 

The mountain was hidden in the morning mist. But I could still get my bearings. 

Walking focused on the path with the view ahead.

I am scanning the forest for movements.  Maybe there is something to catch or something out to catch me.

I was hungry and I started imagining that I had to get to the top quick to still have an opportunity to catch a klip springer coming to drink water by the little stream early in the morning.  It was too late for that today but maybe I could get the fat dassie my female saw last week a bit further on.

On the way down I had a rest at my old friend the ironwood tree. All sweaty my heart was pounding. I felt his energy pulsating in his trunk with my hand and in the ground through my feet. I am alive and home.

Disconnected

I had a good very slow walk. Somehow I felt lonely and disconnected. The forest was all damp from yesterday’s rain. Full of tears like myself. I sat down at the stream and listened to the song of the water.

I felt like the autumn leaf. It lays fallen, waiting to return to the source and to turn into nourishment.

The sun came out and made me warm. On my way down I met my friend the ironwood tree and asked for reconnection and guidance.

A few meters further a dog ran up passed me, panting heavily. It was lost and running the path up and down, with panicky eyes looking for its master. I knelt down, tried to catch it to bring it to the SPCA. It did not trust me enough. Memories from survival training I once did come to my mind. The golden rule is “Don’t panic” rather sit down, calm down and assess the situation. Look around and discover the options given to you.

I said thank you to the tree for the message, sat down and listened to the forest.

After a while a woman passed me with an exhausted but happy dog. 

Reconnected.

Weaving

Last week I had a body-de-armoring session.  

I am still processing this amazing experience and Friday and Saturday I did draw a mandala.

When it was finished I saw some elements of a Celtic infinite knot pattern in it.

Saturday morning was cold and mixed weather, sometimes sun, sometimes rain. On my long and slow walk it was exactly as I felt inside, full of tears and full of laughter at the same time. Crisp, fresh and new.

I am a weaver and I am a trained textile technician. In my limited tantric understanding (if one can understand tantra at all) I am the thread and the weaver. I am allowed to constantly weave my life force into the most amazing ever changing fabric.

I saw the forest weaving its own web.

 The roots are weaving amazing infinite knotted patterns.

Roots

For the first time I walked with a friend yesterday. On the woodcutters path we stopped for a moment and I showed her the roots of the trees exposed by the erosion of the little stream.

Roots holding the tree in place even in the torrential winter rains, we can have in the Cape.

Rocks are grown in and embedded in the wood of the root.

The tree is steadfast, does not move, no matter what comes down the stream. The roots hold it securely in the rocky earth.

I ask myself, where are my roots? They are not tangible as the root of the tree. They are in me. What are my rocks, which are grown in my roots, holding me down?  What is it, that is so hard and grown in, maybe also giving me something to hold on?

As a human being I have the ability to move, even, to move my roots. I have the choice to hold on or to let go.

It takes courage to let go and grow new roots. The new roots give new nourishment to let me flourish and grow.

Sensing the Light

Sunday morning was so beautiful, full of light from the morning sun.

Sensing the world in a new light. The universe celebrates its creation.

It shines a spotlight even on a simple stone.

Illuminates a bush of dry twigs.

Lights up the path forward.

A festival for my senses. I am so so full of joy and as John O’Donohue calls it, I feel the mystery of my presence and the Eros of the Earth.

Blessing for the Senses

May your body be blessed.
May you realize that your body is a faithful
and beautiful friend of your soul.
And may you be peaceful and joyful
and recognize that your senses
are sacred thresholds.
May you realize that holiness is
mindful, gazing, feeling, hearing, and touching.
May your senses gather you and bring you home.
May your senses always enable you to
celebrate the universe and the mystery
and possibilities in your presence here.
May the Eros of the Earth bless you.

- John O’Donohue in Anam Cara

Green World

After a night of rain the forest is a green world. I remember from my training as a textile technician and dyer that the human eye can distinguish more shades of green than of any other color.

Green is all around me. The leaves absorb all other frequencies of the light and only reflect the rays making up green. Blue- yellow- green.

Green the color of the heart chakra. I am bathing in it. I sit down at the little stream flowing down Ascension Gully. The sound of the water lets my mind drift away and I see with my inner eye and only feel green.

Absorb the love of the universe in myself, expanding my heart.

At home again I had to draw a mandala for the heart chakra.

Life Energy

This morning I visited my old friend the ironwood tree on the Fernwood trail.

It was overcast and I was missing the sun, which I like to absorb into my body. I brought some tobacco as an offering to the spirits of the forest and had some fruit as a snack. Touching its ancient bark, I could feel the energy that connects this tree to the web of nature. Warmth filled my body.

Thankfully the tobacco was poured on a stone. I sat down and took a banana for a snack. The first bit was broken off to give to the spirits and I started slowly eating.

My German ex lover is a shaman and she once taught me to eat mindful and slow to honor the food. I did remember and let the banana melt in my mouth.

It came to my mind that we owe all energy in our body to the plants which absorb the rays of the sun and store them for us. Everything living in and around us originates from this sun energy. Even the petrol driving our cars comes from the oil created by organisms millions of years ago.

I was filled with thankfulness. Looking around I noticed all the plants striving to catch the sunlight, climbers climbing up and branches growing straight up as high as they can.

As I now consume the energy transformed by the plant, I feel a need to give it back, radiate it out as love and let it vibrate in a touch energising my beloved.